Chocolate covered pretzels, fried cheese and beer... Only mobsters would think of bringing that on a field trip.
You know, this has the makings of a comedy movie. Hardcore roughneck gangsters going on a roadtrip....
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Our Gang comedy: yakuza toughs take in Kyoto's ancient traditions
There's nothing more glorious than the ancient capital of Kyoto, with its shrines, temples and gardens, during the crisp autumn season.
And it was in November 2006, reports Uramono Japan (January 2008), that Kazuma Muneta, a licensed Kyoto-based tour guide, had the singular experience of organizing a day tour for a group of yakuza visiting from nearby Hyogo Prefecture.
All Muneta had been told was to escort a tour booked by a consumer loan company. So at 9:30 AM, half an hour before the scheduled departure, he stood in the parking lot of JR Kyoto Station in front of the chartered bus, holding a small flag on a stick and a sign with the client's name.
Soon thereafter, a motley crew began assembling, and it became evident that these gentlemen were almost certainly involved in field work, such as reminders of loans outstanding and bill collection.
One was a hulking hood who stood over 2 meters tall; another's forehead bore the scars of several knife fights; and yet another had a shaved head and a neck so thick it was impossible to tell where it ended and his head began.
"Oniisan (elder brother), we've got a request," the group's leader implored the intimidated Muneta. "Today we're just enjoying ourselves quietly. We absolutely won't bother anybody, so relax."
A couple of the junior members then proceeded to pile provisions onto the bus: eight cases of beer, plus rice crackers with seaweed, crispy cheese curls and Pocky chocolate-covered pretzels.
At 10:00 AM, the tour commenced. Voice quavering, Muneta went into his routine.
"If you look over to your left," he stammers into the microphone, "you can see the famous Sanjusangendo, with its 1,001 images of the Bodhisavatta Kannon..."
In response, 20 pairs of eyes swiveled accordingly. A few exhorted Muneta to slow down and keep it simple.
"Hey, shaddup, willya?" one admonished a colleague. "How da hell am I supposed ta hear wut da guide sez, wid' you blabberin' all da time?"
"Hey... sorry, man!"
But if anything, reports Muneta, the group members showed a more compliant attitude and spirit of camaraderie than could be found from, say, a group of middle-aged women or female office workers.
A few were clearly well-read on the city's history.
"Elder brother? What year was it that Kano Tanryu was commissioned to produce paintings for the Waterfall Room in the main temple hall of the Manshuin Monzeki, after it was moved from its former location on Mt. Hiei?" asked a hood in his mid-30s, flourishing a guidebook.
From his question he was obviously a connoisseur of Japanese history.
"It was in the mid-1600s. No doubt about it," Muneta readily replied.
"Really?"
"Yes, I'm sure. In fact, it just so happens I happened to confirm the date yesterday."
"Heee..." came the rapt response.
For lunch, the group filed into the Nanzenji Temple for a vegetarian meal of 'yudofu' (cubes of bean curd boiled at the table and dipped in savory vinegar sauce). Upon seeing them entering, the other patrons' jaws dropped in astonishment and the entire establishment descended into an eerie silence.
The group members, too, were quiet. Several, it seems, were susceptible to 'nekojita' (cat's tongue), and had to blow on their food to cool it off enough to get it down.
They then reboarded and the bus proceeded to the Heian Jingu and Shimizu-dera for more sightseeing.
As the day went on, Muneta relates to Uramono Japan, his terror gradually subsided, especially when he observed the yakuza lining up obediently to buy green-tea flavored frozen custard and cute 'Hello Kitty' cell phones ornaments, which several purchased as romantic talismans to present to their lady loves. Seeing this, Muneta had to restrain himself from giggling.
Around 5 p.m. the bus arrived at the Tofukuji, Kyoto's most prized spot for viewing the splendor of autumn leaves.
A few of the hoods were so overcome by the beauty, Muneta swears he even saw tears in their eyes.
After a sumptuous evening meal of Kyoto-style Kaiseki dishes, the bus returned them to their starting point, Kyoto Station. They began to disembark and it appeared the day would end without incident; but suddenly a car carrying several members of a rival gang cut them off, and the hoods quickly reverted to type.
"Arrrgh! You mugs are really askin' for it!" one exclaimed.
"Didn't anybody bring along a weapon?" another muttered.
Muneta, who by this time was a bit inebriated himself, staggered off without even mouthing the usual Kansai obsequities to implore his customers to continue their kind patronage in the future. (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)
（Mainichi Japan） December 1, 2007
